Poison in a Community- Gossip and Rumor, and how to Stop it in it’s Tracks.

by Lisa Morgenstern

I was recently been made aware, of some things being said about myself or others close to me that are either untrue or twisted. It has happened before, and it will happen again. As Terry Cole-Whittaker says, “Your opinion of me is none of my business.” but, there are still those who listen when juicy bits of gossip or rumors are passed, and then pass them along. It’s human nature to wonder what others are doing, and to talk about each other. In a healthy way- you can say, “So and So is getting married! This person got a new job!” “She had her baby!” All of these are good, healthy ways to gossip without being harmful.

Sometimes, though, the rumor is malicious. “This person abuses their spouse.” “They are having an affair.” “This coven tortures their students.” “ This teacher is not doing their job because their students are complaining.”Sometimes these rumors contain an element of truth, but a lot of times it’s twisted beyond all recognition. One person said, “This individual is betraying their coven by studying with another teacher,” when both teachers knew what was going on, and were in agreement.

So- how to stop the malicious, harmful rumors? Ask the person who the gossip is about. “Are you really doing X or Y to person Z?” Chances are, they aren’t, and it’s a misunderstanding. But the only way to nip this gossip in the bud is to bring it back to the person it is about.

Here is an example from our local community. A pastor who spammed a local Pagan minister read that minister’s reply to their spam at all three of his Easter sermon services, preaching a fire and brimstone service abouthow pagans sacrifice animals and babies. So this Pagan Minister checked with some folks who were there to be certain that slander was not involved, then made a point of sharing their email with the local pagan community, to make a statement of what happened, thus eliminating any question about who said what to whom.

The poison in a community comes from those who can’t pass up a juicy story, whether true or not, and pass it on without verifying it. It’s a lot like urban legends and hoaxes on the internet. Before you warn someone that there is a person car-jacking in the mall, or pass on that online petition, verify it. On the internet, we have http://www.snopes.com . In real life, you go to the source.

In many cases, the person telling the tale does not expect you to verify it with the person they are talking about. So often people say privately,“ Don’t tell anyone,” or, “I was told in confidence,” or, “I can’t say who said this...” These can be ways to lie. Be aware of them, because sometimes it happens. Confidentiality, in some cases, can actually be harmful. Suspected or known child abuse should be reported. Illegal activities should be reported, lest those who are innocent bystanders considered accomplices. And vicious gossip and rumors, should also be brought to account. Because if the person getting away with it, can do so with out punishment, then they will do it again.

Another excellent resource is a set of articles about trolls both online and off, and how to spot them and nullify them. I found it deeply humbling to read this and see the parts that applied to me, and have made a personal effort to identify and nullify it in myself when possible. http://www.wargoddess.net/essay/troll.html

Last, as a witch, keep in mind the Law of Three. Or to use a secular phrase,“ What goes around, comes around.” Be aware than when you knowingly or unknowingly spread rumors or gossip, it may happen to you. If you displease your Gods, they can and will smack you up-side the head. Depending on the God or Goddess, that experience can be very painful, physically,emotionally, spiritually, and mentally.

The real poison in a community is spread by those who are passing on rumors, gossip and innuendo, without verifying it. The way to stop this from happening, is to come to the source and ask and get the information. And last, the question you want to ask yourself, is, if they are saying these nasty things about someone else- who KNOWS what they are saying about you, behind your back. It’s something to think about.

Part of the problem of not having a holy scripture in our religion can mean that one hears the ‘do as ye will’ part of the rede, but miss the “Harm None.” or, conveniently forget that words spoken in anger can and will be returned to the source. Sometimes, magnified.

Permission granted to post this elsewhere, as long as author is credited.
© 2003, Lisa Morgenstern

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